So many times I'm asked, "What are a few things that you would purchase if you are starting a Special Needs Ministry but have no budget?" Since there are so many things I would suggest, I thought I'd put them on this blog for you. I'll post them up here as I think about them so let's start with the weighted blanket.
If you're like me, you love when the weather turns cold and you can cuddle up under a big blanket and watch your favorite movie. The bulkiness of the blanket on a cold day brings immediate relief to my body. I could be in the worst mood feeling dreary and down but put me under a big comfy blanket and I'm in heaven.
This is similar to how a lot of our autistic and sensory kids feel about the weighted blanket. When they're unable to regain control or feel like their skin is crawling, the weighted blanket can bring them back to a sense of peace. This past weekend we had a child who was very upset and was starting to become physically agitated. Once we were able to get him under control (by using our own physical strength), we placed a weighted blanket on him. It was as if someone had given him a shot of a relaxation medicine...he calmed right down and was actually able to focus on what we were saying. The pressure from the blanket gave him his control back. From that point on, when he felt himself losing control, he would grab the blanket and sit down for a bit. The blanket helped him find his own coping mechanism.
If you google "weighted blankets" you can find them all over. We have a lady in our area who makes cute weighted blankets so she's a good resource for our families. I'm sure there are other moms in your area who make them or could make them if you show them one as a pattern.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
String of Hope...Marriages
This weekend a reality of Special Needs Ministry hit me square in the face. I've known it's an issue but for some reason this weekend my heart was hit rather than just my mind. I'm talking about marriage success amongst families with special needs children. About 40-50% of all marriages in America end in divorce. That number is for the typical family. If you throw a special needs child into the mix, the rate of divorce jumps up to around 85%. I don't know about you but that is scary. To look at all the families in the Special Needs Ministry and to think, if the statistics proved true, of 100 of them only 15 of them would still be married when I revisit the list in 5 or 10 years. Wow, that is a lot of disruption for children who don't handle disruption well.
Rather than just talk about the statistics or worry about the "what ifs", God has been pressing on my heart to do something about it. My husband and I recently completed a 24 week course called "Re-Engage". It's a program that was started by Watermark Church in Dallas to address the need for couples to re-engage themselves in their marriage. The great thing is that it's not only for couples who are on the verge of divorce, but also for couples who just need a flame reignited. Re-Engage doesn't help the marriage by pinpointing his issues or her issues. It works to restore personal relationships with Christ and our responsibility to love like Christ does. For my own marriage, this program just what we needed to put our marriage back at a priority after having two kids. Now I have two typical children and can easily see how children call pull a marriage apart...never mind a special needs child.
So since our church offers this ministry, why aren't our families taking advantage of it? Childcare. Childcare if offered for all who participate in Re-Engage but most typical childcare settings won't support a special needs child. Someone who needs one-on-one will overwhelm the childcare workers. We need to offer special volunteers to care for the special needs children.
I guess I type all of this out on this blog to get you to look at the issues your families are dealing with. Marriage is a HUGE thing. If a mom is overwhelmed by a special needs child and feels she's also fighting her spouse because he's not meeting the needs she has set him up to meet, how much more can mom take? If mom decides she can't handle being torn on both ends (from husband and child), she's forced to choose. If there was some way for problems to be addressed and worked on before a choice is to be made, maybe more marriages would be saved. Any string of hope that can be easily accessed is the start. Maybe our string of hope, given the ministries we already have in place, is childcare for Re-Engage. Could it be that simple? YES.
Rather than just talk about the statistics or worry about the "what ifs", God has been pressing on my heart to do something about it. My husband and I recently completed a 24 week course called "Re-Engage". It's a program that was started by Watermark Church in Dallas to address the need for couples to re-engage themselves in their marriage. The great thing is that it's not only for couples who are on the verge of divorce, but also for couples who just need a flame reignited. Re-Engage doesn't help the marriage by pinpointing his issues or her issues. It works to restore personal relationships with Christ and our responsibility to love like Christ does. For my own marriage, this program just what we needed to put our marriage back at a priority after having two kids. Now I have two typical children and can easily see how children call pull a marriage apart...never mind a special needs child.
So since our church offers this ministry, why aren't our families taking advantage of it? Childcare. Childcare if offered for all who participate in Re-Engage but most typical childcare settings won't support a special needs child. Someone who needs one-on-one will overwhelm the childcare workers. We need to offer special volunteers to care for the special needs children.
I guess I type all of this out on this blog to get you to look at the issues your families are dealing with. Marriage is a HUGE thing. If a mom is overwhelmed by a special needs child and feels she's also fighting her spouse because he's not meeting the needs she has set him up to meet, how much more can mom take? If mom decides she can't handle being torn on both ends (from husband and child), she's forced to choose. If there was some way for problems to be addressed and worked on before a choice is to be made, maybe more marriages would be saved. Any string of hope that can be easily accessed is the start. Maybe our string of hope, given the ministries we already have in place, is childcare for Re-Engage. Could it be that simple? YES.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Labels
I like to think that I am organized. I love the idea of having everything in it's spot. I can spend hours browsing in the Container Store dreaming of what my house would look like if I had enough money to organize every square inch of it. I love the look of the tidy little bins, each with its own label telling you what is nicely stored inside. Labeling things seems to be the key to organization. You know exactly what is to go in that box when you're cleaning up and you know exactly what is in that box when you're trying to find something. Whoever came up with the labeling machine is brilliant.
As much as I love organization and labels, it's odd that the one thing that will cause my blood to boil most is labels. Doesn't seem quite right does it? Let me explain. I HATE labels on kids or abilities or disabilities. If the idea of a label is to give you clear boundaries as to what something is for, why would we ever think of doing that with a child...or anyone for that matter? By giving anyone a label, you're clearly defining them right there, giving them no chance to become something different.
We all have children in our church (or even parents) that are difficult to some. As they move on up through programs, they're constantly stuck with the label of "difficult child", "overbearing mom", or "uninvolved dad". No matter how that child or parent changes as they mature, they'll never be able to overcome that label because our labels are stuck with super glue. Maybe we talk amongst ministries to give people the heads-up on someone or maybe, as most do, we offer it as a "prayer request" saying that we'll pray for that ministry because these hard kids are coming their way. So, before an introduction has ever occurred, we've already got an idea of how this child is going to act...setting them up to fail.
I write this post today because I found myself doing the exact thing I detest. I was asked about a child coming into a program. As I typed out the email, I found myself giving this child all sorts of labels. I was preparing the ministry leader to have trouble with this child before she even laid eyes on him. I quickly hit the delete key and started my email again. I did not hide any truth that would be important but I also didn't give her every last opinion of mine. I honestly don't know how he'll act in this particular setting. He could blossom so who am I to keep him from doing so?
So, even if you're like me and love putting things where they belong and labeling everything, think about the little life you might be changing forever because of your obsession with the label maker. We need to allow GOD ALONE to be the label maker of our lives and the lives of those we work with.
As much as I love organization and labels, it's odd that the one thing that will cause my blood to boil most is labels. Doesn't seem quite right does it? Let me explain. I HATE labels on kids or abilities or disabilities. If the idea of a label is to give you clear boundaries as to what something is for, why would we ever think of doing that with a child...or anyone for that matter? By giving anyone a label, you're clearly defining them right there, giving them no chance to become something different.
We all have children in our church (or even parents) that are difficult to some. As they move on up through programs, they're constantly stuck with the label of "difficult child", "overbearing mom", or "uninvolved dad". No matter how that child or parent changes as they mature, they'll never be able to overcome that label because our labels are stuck with super glue. Maybe we talk amongst ministries to give people the heads-up on someone or maybe, as most do, we offer it as a "prayer request" saying that we'll pray for that ministry because these hard kids are coming their way. So, before an introduction has ever occurred, we've already got an idea of how this child is going to act...setting them up to fail.
I write this post today because I found myself doing the exact thing I detest. I was asked about a child coming into a program. As I typed out the email, I found myself giving this child all sorts of labels. I was preparing the ministry leader to have trouble with this child before she even laid eyes on him. I quickly hit the delete key and started my email again. I did not hide any truth that would be important but I also didn't give her every last opinion of mine. I honestly don't know how he'll act in this particular setting. He could blossom so who am I to keep him from doing so?
So, even if you're like me and love putting things where they belong and labeling everything, think about the little life you might be changing forever because of your obsession with the label maker. We need to allow GOD ALONE to be the label maker of our lives and the lives of those we work with.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Advocating within the Church
As I've mentioned in previous posts, parent relations are HUGE in any Special Needs Ministry. I must say, the parent relationships are probably my favorite part. Maybe it comes from my background as a social worker, but I love working with the parents. I love that they feel comfortable enough to call me when they have a question or concern. I love that they give me the opportunity to work as an advocate on their behalf.
Advocating for change, especially in the church environment, can be a little challenging. There are special things you need to remember.
1. Get all the facts: The last thing you'll want is to go to bat for something without knowing the entire situation.
2. Approach others gently: You are all really on the same team if you're all in ministry. Don't go in expecting a fight.
3. Be willing to accept change: You might not have all the facts and there are things that just cannot be changed. If you are not willing to come down from your point for a valid reason, you're going to damage the ministry you're doing.
Above all else, I would make sure you cover the entire situation in prayer. Pray for the conversations that will be held. Pray for the parties involved. It's amazing how minds can be changed, hearts can be melted, and change can be made when we're all listening to the same voice of the Lord.
Advocating for change, especially in the church environment, can be a little challenging. There are special things you need to remember.
1. Get all the facts: The last thing you'll want is to go to bat for something without knowing the entire situation.
2. Approach others gently: You are all really on the same team if you're all in ministry. Don't go in expecting a fight.
3. Be willing to accept change: You might not have all the facts and there are things that just cannot be changed. If you are not willing to come down from your point for a valid reason, you're going to damage the ministry you're doing.
Above all else, I would make sure you cover the entire situation in prayer. Pray for the conversations that will be held. Pray for the parties involved. It's amazing how minds can be changed, hearts can be melted, and change can be made when we're all listening to the same voice of the Lord.
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