While many of us know someone who has a disability, few of us actually have a disability ourselves. This can make it challenging to actually know what it feels like when someone with a disability to comes into our church for the first time.
This past week, I was able to participate in an event at a local elementary school called Experience the Awareness. Basically every child within that school had the opportunity to spend 5 minutes experiencing what it would be like to live with ten various disabilities. It was amazing. The children were blown away at the difficulty behind some of the stations.
I'm writing all of this on this blog to give you examples of just how easy it would be to set something up similar to this event in your own area. It just takes a little time to get things organized, a good trip to your local re-sale shop, and some imagination. Here are some suggested stations:
1. Muscular Dystrophy (MD): Muscular Dystrophy is a hereditary muscular disease that weakens the muscles that enable the body to move. To experience this disease you can put arm, waist, and ankle weights on a person and ask them to walk through a simple obstacle course. Talk with them about how much effort it takes to simply move through the obstacles and how tired they might be after completing that one task.
2. Injured Limb: While most children think it is fun to be on crutches, it can actually be quite frustrating to complete simple tasks. To fully experience this you can have them move through an crowded area using crutches. In order to give them a better understanding, you could even ask them to carry a backpack or a few sheets of paper with them while maneuvering through the obstacles. Talk with them about how clumsy they felt or how tiring it was to try to hang onto a few sheets of papers while clutching their crutches.
3. Autism: Autism is a disorder of neural development which appears differently in most people. Heightened senses can be one very common thread in children with autism. To relay this message, you need to have several things going on at one time while asking the children to focus on specific directions given. Put headphones on their ears with static (simulating the background noise children with autism constantly hear at a heightened volume) and place scratchy Velcro around their neck (simulating the irritation a tag from a t-shirt can feel to a child with autism). You could even have some flashing lights around to simulate the irritating flashes of fluorescent lights that children with autism experience magnified. While they are experiencing this, read them a short paragraph and ask them to questions relating to it. You'll find that they are unable to focus on the words of the paragraph because of all the distractions around them.
4. Cerebral Palsy (CP): Cerebral palsy is a term referring to a group of non-progressive, non-contagious motor conditions that cause physical disabilities mainly associated with the various areas of movement. To experience this disorder, have children attempt to assemble a wooden puzzle while wearing a LARGE set of rubber gloves. Their brain will see what needs to be done but they will have trouble making their hands do the activity because of the large gloves their hands are in. Their fine motor skills will be gone and they'll become clumsy with the gloves. They'll experience what it feels like to be completely aware of what needs to happen but unable to make it happen.
5. Dyslexia: Dyslexia is a learning disability that impairs a person's ability to read or write fluidly. To experience the difficulty reading, have a child attempt to read a set of directions that are all written backwards (reading from right to left). To experience the difficulty writing, show a child another set of words written backwards (spelled backwards with the letters backwards) and have them write those words correctly on the paper. These exercises will show them the difficulty someone might have reading simple words or writing simple words because of the way their brain transforms the words they see on paper.
6. Speech: While many children have altered speech, many children don't know what it is like to tell someone something simple and not be understood. To show this, have the children place a large marshmallow in their mouth (or 2 for older children and adults). With the marshmallow in their mouth, ask them to tell you their phone number and street address. Attempt to write down the information you hear. When you can't understand them, ask them to repeat until you get it correct. They'll find it incredibly frustrating to try to have you understand what they're saying but not able to speak clearly enough.
7. Vision Impairment: Since the levels of vision impairment vary, you can adjust the glasses to represent a variety of different impairments. Some might have Vaseline smeared over them to give distortion while others might be completely taped over with black tape to indicate total loss of vision. For the first exercise, ask them to walk through short obstacle course. For the second part, have a friend escort them through the obstacle course. While walking alone they'll feel what it's like to have things going on around them without being able to see obstacles. When they're being led, they'll experience the dependence they must have on others to help them make it through the obstacles.
8. Deafness: While it is difficult to allow someone to experience total deafness, you can allow them to experience as close to this as possible. Place large headphones (the kind you find at the hardware store but tape more cotton filler on the inside to make the noise even more muted) on their ears. Stand directly in front of them and give them a list of things you need them to get at the grocery store. While talking, hold your hand in front of your mouth so they cannot see your mouth move. Ask them to write down the list as you say it. They'll get frustrated because they cannot make out the exact words you're saying. You could try it again allowing them to read your lips if they want to try their lip reading skills.
9. Wheelchair: Similar to the crutches, many people think being in a wheelchair would be easy and fun. In order to experience what someone confined to a wheelchair experiences, have them roll their way through some obstacles....collecting something held just at their fingertip reach and collecting something placed on the floor....without allowing their bottom to come off the seat. They'll find that the wheelchair can be clumsy and can prevent them from getting things they might want to get.
10. Missing Limb: To experience what is would be like to have only one arm, have the children attempt to tie a shoe with only one hand. You can use this example with a variety of tasks depending on the time allowed (feeding oneself, putting on a t-shirt, etc.).
So think about how much experiencing these various disabilities could impact the amount of compassion your volunteers have for those we serve or just for those we meet in the community. In the past I have done disability awarness events as a part of our volunteer trainings. I've had my volunteers take on a specific disability for the entire training (including lunch which really drives the point home). In the end, you can really emphasize that while we were all able to get through the day with our assigned disability, those we serve are not able to simply "be done" with theirs. Most of them will have it for life and it becomes their new normal. How much greater does our compassion become for them! Amazing.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Our Families
In gearing up for Special Needs Sunday, which will be on Sunday, April 3, we held a photo shoot to get some good pictures of our families to use during the service. Last year we showed a video that was precious but it wasn't created in-house, therefore, it didn't have any of our families in it. This year, we wanted to make it more personal and put our families in the spotlight.
Knowing that so many of our families have a hard time getting good family pictures because most photographers aren't patient enough for their kids, we decided to bring in an excellent photographer (who happens to be a church member and friend) to take their pictures. We spent two full days doing 30 minute photo sessions with the families who were interested. Susan Stroud, our photographer, snapped away. We reassured the families that they don't have to wear button down shirts and all match. We didn't want them to feel the pressure of just making it to the session all dressed up. (Don't you all remember spending hours contemplating what your family will wear for pictures just to have your children go crazy because they didn't want to wear a pull over sweater, they wanted to wear the Mr. Potato Head shirt?....great way to start a picture with mom mad at son, son aggravated that he can't wear what he wants, and dad irritated that he is missing the game for a picture).
All in all the pictures were great. We've heard nothing but positive comments about the entire process. The families were shocked that they could get so many good pictures in a matter of 30 minutes or less. As a "Thank You" for them coming to get their pictures done for our video, we are giving each family a free 8x10 and Susan is giving them a significant discount on prints. The only complaint I've heard so far is from the dads that say that there are too many good ones to choose from...their wallets can't handle what their wives want.
If you'd like to take a look at the pictures, you can log onto Susan's website at www.twosistersandabubba.com.
Knowing that so many of our families have a hard time getting good family pictures because most photographers aren't patient enough for their kids, we decided to bring in an excellent photographer (who happens to be a church member and friend) to take their pictures. We spent two full days doing 30 minute photo sessions with the families who were interested. Susan Stroud, our photographer, snapped away. We reassured the families that they don't have to wear button down shirts and all match. We didn't want them to feel the pressure of just making it to the session all dressed up. (Don't you all remember spending hours contemplating what your family will wear for pictures just to have your children go crazy because they didn't want to wear a pull over sweater, they wanted to wear the Mr. Potato Head shirt?....great way to start a picture with mom mad at son, son aggravated that he can't wear what he wants, and dad irritated that he is missing the game for a picture).
All in all the pictures were great. We've heard nothing but positive comments about the entire process. The families were shocked that they could get so many good pictures in a matter of 30 minutes or less. As a "Thank You" for them coming to get their pictures done for our video, we are giving each family a free 8x10 and Susan is giving them a significant discount on prints. The only complaint I've heard so far is from the dads that say that there are too many good ones to choose from...their wallets can't handle what their wives want.
If you'd like to take a look at the pictures, you can log onto Susan's website at www.twosistersandabubba.com.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Going the Extra Mile
We have a little boy who has been coming to the SN Ministry here at Stonebriar for about 5 months now. He is absolutely precious and is quite vocal and very artistic. Dane is also on a gluten-free diet like most of our kids. Unlike some of our other kids, however, Dane is very aware of what he likes and doesn't like and will make sure you know his feelings. Apparently he has always LOVED goldfish crackers and seems to have a fixation on them. Maybe he's like me in that when you tell me I can't have something, it suddenly becomes my craving. He tries every week to get goldfish from our volunteers. He tells them that's what he wants (we serve goldfish to our non-gluten-free kids) and tries to get one of them to give them to him even though he's not supposed to have them. A few weeks ago I was in the room during snack time and had to tell him he couldn't have goldfish. He got upset and went straight for the drawing table. A few moments later, a volunteer handed me a piece of paper. She said that Dane told her to give it to me. The paper was a drawing that depicted "No Pretzels" (we give our gluten-free kids gluten-free pretzels). A few minutes later the volunteer handed me another drawing that depicted "I love goldfish".
I've held onto those drawings just aching for Dane and his love of goldfish. I searched the Internet but couldn't find any gluten-free goldfish. I finally did find a mix to make your own gluten-free fish. Today I made the first batch. Hopefully on Sunday Dane will be excited to have his very own gluten-free goldfish.
I write all this first because I loved the drawings so much and wanted to share them with you. I also wanted you to know that there is a good gluten-free goldfish cracker mix out there (Miss Roben's www.allergygrocer.com). Most of all, however, I wanted to let you know that it is OK to go an extra mile for the kids and families you serve. There will be a lot of times in ministry that you'll have to say, "No" because of one thing or another. There are also a lot of times where you can do something a little out of the box that might just make someone feel all that more loved. Since this is the Season of Giving, why not give just a little more?
I've held onto those drawings just aching for Dane and his love of goldfish. I searched the Internet but couldn't find any gluten-free goldfish. I finally did find a mix to make your own gluten-free fish. Today I made the first batch. Hopefully on Sunday Dane will be excited to have his very own gluten-free goldfish.
I write all this first because I loved the drawings so much and wanted to share them with you. I also wanted you to know that there is a good gluten-free goldfish cracker mix out there (Miss Roben's www.allergygrocer.com). Most of all, however, I wanted to let you know that it is OK to go an extra mile for the kids and families you serve. There will be a lot of times in ministry that you'll have to say, "No" because of one thing or another. There are also a lot of times where you can do something a little out of the box that might just make someone feel all that more loved. Since this is the Season of Giving, why not give just a little more?
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Hope
I've been on vacation this past week. Most vacations I'm at least able to stay connected through my iPhone. This one I was without everything, even a computer with Internet access or a LAN line. Crazy how God puts you in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico to get you to have time to rest.
While resting, I did a lot of reading. I actually finished two different books, Columbine by Dave Cullen and Without a Word by Jill Kelly. Different is probably an understatement. As I was thinking of what to put on the blog, I realized how similar they were in parts. Hopefully I'll be able to get that across as I type out my thoughts.
I read Columbine first. It was a hard read but a captivating one. I found it interesting just how much God's hand was protecting so many people on April 20, 1999. The plans made were much worse than what actually occurred. While reading about the two shooters, Dylan & Eric, I was heartbroken for their lack of hope. They were on this earth for the sole purpose of self gratification and saw no chance for anything better than what they thought was their reality. Other people around them saw the hope but they never did. They never even grasped a shred of it.
Without a Word started out on a similar path. No killing involved, no desire to hurt others but Jim & Jill Kelly started off pursuing immediate gratification. They wanted feel good moments and thought life was about making themselves happy through love, money, and fame. It wasn't until they got the diagnosis that Hunter, their 2nd born and only son, had Krabbe Leukodystrophy that Jill started searching for something more. Jill shared many of her journal entries in the book. It was interesting to see the focus of her journal entries change as she searched for hope in something more than her abilities. When she did accept Christ, her outlook changed. The disease her son had wasn't so much there to destroy her and her family but it was there to point her to Christ. While she still mourned, and continues to mourn, the death of her son, she had the hope in Christ that he was dancing in heaven and that she'd be reunited with him again one day. Later, when Jim became a believer, he found comfort in the hope of a future as well.
So how does all this relate to Special Needs Ministry? Very easily, we are here to provide our families an avenue to experience the hope they long for. Many families who come into our doors on Sunday mornings are believers searching for a church home where their whole family is accepted. There are some, however, who hear there is a safe place for their son or daughter with special needs and they just want a break. If that means going to church for an hour, they'll take it. Many families who we come into contact with are not believers and have not found the hope. You can tell by looking at their face and listening to their stories. The deep despair is evident. What a great time to tell them of the hope Christ offers.
While resting, I did a lot of reading. I actually finished two different books, Columbine by Dave Cullen and Without a Word by Jill Kelly. Different is probably an understatement. As I was thinking of what to put on the blog, I realized how similar they were in parts. Hopefully I'll be able to get that across as I type out my thoughts.
I read Columbine first. It was a hard read but a captivating one. I found it interesting just how much God's hand was protecting so many people on April 20, 1999. The plans made were much worse than what actually occurred. While reading about the two shooters, Dylan & Eric, I was heartbroken for their lack of hope. They were on this earth for the sole purpose of self gratification and saw no chance for anything better than what they thought was their reality. Other people around them saw the hope but they never did. They never even grasped a shred of it.
Without a Word started out on a similar path. No killing involved, no desire to hurt others but Jim & Jill Kelly started off pursuing immediate gratification. They wanted feel good moments and thought life was about making themselves happy through love, money, and fame. It wasn't until they got the diagnosis that Hunter, their 2nd born and only son, had Krabbe Leukodystrophy that Jill started searching for something more. Jill shared many of her journal entries in the book. It was interesting to see the focus of her journal entries change as she searched for hope in something more than her abilities. When she did accept Christ, her outlook changed. The disease her son had wasn't so much there to destroy her and her family but it was there to point her to Christ. While she still mourned, and continues to mourn, the death of her son, she had the hope in Christ that he was dancing in heaven and that she'd be reunited with him again one day. Later, when Jim became a believer, he found comfort in the hope of a future as well.
So how does all this relate to Special Needs Ministry? Very easily, we are here to provide our families an avenue to experience the hope they long for. Many families who come into our doors on Sunday mornings are believers searching for a church home where their whole family is accepted. There are some, however, who hear there is a safe place for their son or daughter with special needs and they just want a break. If that means going to church for an hour, they'll take it. Many families who we come into contact with are not believers and have not found the hope. You can tell by looking at their face and listening to their stories. The deep despair is evident. What a great time to tell them of the hope Christ offers.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Weighted Blankets
So many times I'm asked, "What are a few things that you would purchase if you are starting a Special Needs Ministry but have no budget?" Since there are so many things I would suggest, I thought I'd put them on this blog for you. I'll post them up here as I think about them so let's start with the weighted blanket.
If you're like me, you love when the weather turns cold and you can cuddle up under a big blanket and watch your favorite movie. The bulkiness of the blanket on a cold day brings immediate relief to my body. I could be in the worst mood feeling dreary and down but put me under a big comfy blanket and I'm in heaven.
This is similar to how a lot of our autistic and sensory kids feel about the weighted blanket. When they're unable to regain control or feel like their skin is crawling, the weighted blanket can bring them back to a sense of peace. This past weekend we had a child who was very upset and was starting to become physically agitated. Once we were able to get him under control (by using our own physical strength), we placed a weighted blanket on him. It was as if someone had given him a shot of a relaxation medicine...he calmed right down and was actually able to focus on what we were saying. The pressure from the blanket gave him his control back. From that point on, when he felt himself losing control, he would grab the blanket and sit down for a bit. The blanket helped him find his own coping mechanism.
If you google "weighted blankets" you can find them all over. We have a lady in our area who makes cute weighted blankets so she's a good resource for our families. I'm sure there are other moms in your area who make them or could make them if you show them one as a pattern.
If you're like me, you love when the weather turns cold and you can cuddle up under a big blanket and watch your favorite movie. The bulkiness of the blanket on a cold day brings immediate relief to my body. I could be in the worst mood feeling dreary and down but put me under a big comfy blanket and I'm in heaven.
This is similar to how a lot of our autistic and sensory kids feel about the weighted blanket. When they're unable to regain control or feel like their skin is crawling, the weighted blanket can bring them back to a sense of peace. This past weekend we had a child who was very upset and was starting to become physically agitated. Once we were able to get him under control (by using our own physical strength), we placed a weighted blanket on him. It was as if someone had given him a shot of a relaxation medicine...he calmed right down and was actually able to focus on what we were saying. The pressure from the blanket gave him his control back. From that point on, when he felt himself losing control, he would grab the blanket and sit down for a bit. The blanket helped him find his own coping mechanism.
If you google "weighted blankets" you can find them all over. We have a lady in our area who makes cute weighted blankets so she's a good resource for our families. I'm sure there are other moms in your area who make them or could make them if you show them one as a pattern.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
String of Hope...Marriages
This weekend a reality of Special Needs Ministry hit me square in the face. I've known it's an issue but for some reason this weekend my heart was hit rather than just my mind. I'm talking about marriage success amongst families with special needs children. About 40-50% of all marriages in America end in divorce. That number is for the typical family. If you throw a special needs child into the mix, the rate of divorce jumps up to around 85%. I don't know about you but that is scary. To look at all the families in the Special Needs Ministry and to think, if the statistics proved true, of 100 of them only 15 of them would still be married when I revisit the list in 5 or 10 years. Wow, that is a lot of disruption for children who don't handle disruption well.
Rather than just talk about the statistics or worry about the "what ifs", God has been pressing on my heart to do something about it. My husband and I recently completed a 24 week course called "Re-Engage". It's a program that was started by Watermark Church in Dallas to address the need for couples to re-engage themselves in their marriage. The great thing is that it's not only for couples who are on the verge of divorce, but also for couples who just need a flame reignited. Re-Engage doesn't help the marriage by pinpointing his issues or her issues. It works to restore personal relationships with Christ and our responsibility to love like Christ does. For my own marriage, this program just what we needed to put our marriage back at a priority after having two kids. Now I have two typical children and can easily see how children call pull a marriage apart...never mind a special needs child.
So since our church offers this ministry, why aren't our families taking advantage of it? Childcare. Childcare if offered for all who participate in Re-Engage but most typical childcare settings won't support a special needs child. Someone who needs one-on-one will overwhelm the childcare workers. We need to offer special volunteers to care for the special needs children.
I guess I type all of this out on this blog to get you to look at the issues your families are dealing with. Marriage is a HUGE thing. If a mom is overwhelmed by a special needs child and feels she's also fighting her spouse because he's not meeting the needs she has set him up to meet, how much more can mom take? If mom decides she can't handle being torn on both ends (from husband and child), she's forced to choose. If there was some way for problems to be addressed and worked on before a choice is to be made, maybe more marriages would be saved. Any string of hope that can be easily accessed is the start. Maybe our string of hope, given the ministries we already have in place, is childcare for Re-Engage. Could it be that simple? YES.
Rather than just talk about the statistics or worry about the "what ifs", God has been pressing on my heart to do something about it. My husband and I recently completed a 24 week course called "Re-Engage". It's a program that was started by Watermark Church in Dallas to address the need for couples to re-engage themselves in their marriage. The great thing is that it's not only for couples who are on the verge of divorce, but also for couples who just need a flame reignited. Re-Engage doesn't help the marriage by pinpointing his issues or her issues. It works to restore personal relationships with Christ and our responsibility to love like Christ does. For my own marriage, this program just what we needed to put our marriage back at a priority after having two kids. Now I have two typical children and can easily see how children call pull a marriage apart...never mind a special needs child.
So since our church offers this ministry, why aren't our families taking advantage of it? Childcare. Childcare if offered for all who participate in Re-Engage but most typical childcare settings won't support a special needs child. Someone who needs one-on-one will overwhelm the childcare workers. We need to offer special volunteers to care for the special needs children.
I guess I type all of this out on this blog to get you to look at the issues your families are dealing with. Marriage is a HUGE thing. If a mom is overwhelmed by a special needs child and feels she's also fighting her spouse because he's not meeting the needs she has set him up to meet, how much more can mom take? If mom decides she can't handle being torn on both ends (from husband and child), she's forced to choose. If there was some way for problems to be addressed and worked on before a choice is to be made, maybe more marriages would be saved. Any string of hope that can be easily accessed is the start. Maybe our string of hope, given the ministries we already have in place, is childcare for Re-Engage. Could it be that simple? YES.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Labels
I like to think that I am organized. I love the idea of having everything in it's spot. I can spend hours browsing in the Container Store dreaming of what my house would look like if I had enough money to organize every square inch of it. I love the look of the tidy little bins, each with its own label telling you what is nicely stored inside. Labeling things seems to be the key to organization. You know exactly what is to go in that box when you're cleaning up and you know exactly what is in that box when you're trying to find something. Whoever came up with the labeling machine is brilliant.
As much as I love organization and labels, it's odd that the one thing that will cause my blood to boil most is labels. Doesn't seem quite right does it? Let me explain. I HATE labels on kids or abilities or disabilities. If the idea of a label is to give you clear boundaries as to what something is for, why would we ever think of doing that with a child...or anyone for that matter? By giving anyone a label, you're clearly defining them right there, giving them no chance to become something different.
We all have children in our church (or even parents) that are difficult to some. As they move on up through programs, they're constantly stuck with the label of "difficult child", "overbearing mom", or "uninvolved dad". No matter how that child or parent changes as they mature, they'll never be able to overcome that label because our labels are stuck with super glue. Maybe we talk amongst ministries to give people the heads-up on someone or maybe, as most do, we offer it as a "prayer request" saying that we'll pray for that ministry because these hard kids are coming their way. So, before an introduction has ever occurred, we've already got an idea of how this child is going to act...setting them up to fail.
I write this post today because I found myself doing the exact thing I detest. I was asked about a child coming into a program. As I typed out the email, I found myself giving this child all sorts of labels. I was preparing the ministry leader to have trouble with this child before she even laid eyes on him. I quickly hit the delete key and started my email again. I did not hide any truth that would be important but I also didn't give her every last opinion of mine. I honestly don't know how he'll act in this particular setting. He could blossom so who am I to keep him from doing so?
So, even if you're like me and love putting things where they belong and labeling everything, think about the little life you might be changing forever because of your obsession with the label maker. We need to allow GOD ALONE to be the label maker of our lives and the lives of those we work with.
As much as I love organization and labels, it's odd that the one thing that will cause my blood to boil most is labels. Doesn't seem quite right does it? Let me explain. I HATE labels on kids or abilities or disabilities. If the idea of a label is to give you clear boundaries as to what something is for, why would we ever think of doing that with a child...or anyone for that matter? By giving anyone a label, you're clearly defining them right there, giving them no chance to become something different.
We all have children in our church (or even parents) that are difficult to some. As they move on up through programs, they're constantly stuck with the label of "difficult child", "overbearing mom", or "uninvolved dad". No matter how that child or parent changes as they mature, they'll never be able to overcome that label because our labels are stuck with super glue. Maybe we talk amongst ministries to give people the heads-up on someone or maybe, as most do, we offer it as a "prayer request" saying that we'll pray for that ministry because these hard kids are coming their way. So, before an introduction has ever occurred, we've already got an idea of how this child is going to act...setting them up to fail.
I write this post today because I found myself doing the exact thing I detest. I was asked about a child coming into a program. As I typed out the email, I found myself giving this child all sorts of labels. I was preparing the ministry leader to have trouble with this child before she even laid eyes on him. I quickly hit the delete key and started my email again. I did not hide any truth that would be important but I also didn't give her every last opinion of mine. I honestly don't know how he'll act in this particular setting. He could blossom so who am I to keep him from doing so?
So, even if you're like me and love putting things where they belong and labeling everything, think about the little life you might be changing forever because of your obsession with the label maker. We need to allow GOD ALONE to be the label maker of our lives and the lives of those we work with.
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